Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
