fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
