Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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