ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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