watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
