I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
