My room smells like vodka and shame
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
