K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
