Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
