my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
