i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
