How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
