y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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