sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
