I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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