i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
