this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
