Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
