Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
