I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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