i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My bed smells like the plague
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
