I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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