did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
God, I missed his penis.
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