Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
