is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
two words...techno handjob
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
