Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
