At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
