Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's blow job season.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
