not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
