We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
