I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
