I am puke
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
