So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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