I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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