I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
