No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
