Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
