next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
