So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
