Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
