Kareoke will never be a sober sport
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
