believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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