True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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