I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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