You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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