Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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