in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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