Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
