Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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