I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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