This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
