Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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