just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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