My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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