Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
