he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
